No. 5: Cocaine

Someone please explain to me why cocaine has so many monikers.  The intention is definitely to make people like me feel uncool.  Just when I thought I had gotten my mind around “blow,” some club rat is whispering to me about “ye.” Do I want some what? Does this have to do with Kanye? Because seriously, I know about him. 

Admittedly, I feel silly for coming of age so close to Hollywood without trying it, but the sniffing window is closing rapidly, and I don’t think I’m going to make it with my dignity intact.   I guess I’ve always been late to the (partying) party.  I had my first drink when I was almost 19 and spent my 21st birthday completely sober, squinting through a production of Wicked at the Pantages.  My boyfriend at the time should have splurged for better seats, but he didn’t.  I stayed away from raves because I thought they were only for skanks and hippies.  I was wrong to think that, and the more accurate reason was probably that I’ve always worried the one girl who dies every year might be me, which is kind of embarrassing from a Darwinian perspective.

Even though I’m content to let the coke ship sail, I still have many questions.  For example, just how much weight would I lose if I developed a cocaine habit?  Would gaunt look good on me? Also, what does it feel like to stick a rolled-up Benjamin in your nose?  Why is everyone always rubbing their teeth after doing a line? Is it because it tastes like powdered sugar? Because that’s what it looks like.

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Photos: Sunrise in Palos Verdes. TL) Point Vicente Lighthouse, TR) Malaga Cove Library, BL) Malaga Cove Library, BR) Malaga Cove Plaza

I do admire the sunrise pictures that pop up on Facebook after a cocaine-fueled trip to Vegas though.  Everything looks more peaceful in the morning.  But caffeine can keep you out of bed too, and I like the taste of Diet Coke.